My family’s way of celebrating Christmas has undergone significant changes since I was a child. Most children look forward to Christmas every year, and I was no different until high school.

   Christmas was my favorite season — I loved the weather, the decorations, and especially driving through downtown Brooklyn to see the city’s lights. Back then, my family was stable and happy, unaware of the troubles ahead.

    Our situation had drastically changed after losing four grandparents right before Christmas, familial drama, and facing serious financial struggles, all of which had dimmed the season’s magic. It took me a while to realize these losses permanently affected my parents’ view of the holidays, turning my happy Christmas into an ongoing anxiety.

   Christmas then became increasingly stressful for my family; talking about it would instantly spoil my parents’ mood, not just because of the hardships but also because of fears of not meeting their children’s needs, knowing they couldn’t afford to give us everything we wanted.

   My parents never realized this, but for me, Christmas was never about expensive gifts or surprises. It was about waking up early to spend time with my parents and brothers, watching my dad cook breakfast while we played with new toys, and enjoying moments with extended family — feeling grateful for the year’s blessings.

   However, things have changed: now, we open gifts days early, my parents resist putting up the Christmas tree, and they often take it down before Christmas Day. Likewise, we rarely visit extended family during the holidays anymore. My parents do their best, but their dislike for the holiday often makes it less merry.

   Ultimately, the hardest part is realizing I am no longer a child. Childhood has gone by quickly, and I’ll never experience Christmas magic the same way again. Since this is my last Christmas as a minor, it brings the frightening reality of having to figure out college plans and my future, which makes the holiday even more stressful instead of relaxing.

   Despite everything, Christmas remains special — not as it used to be when I was little, but in the simple joy of showing my friends and family that I’m grateful for them through the love language of gift-giving. Although the worst times in my life often occur during the holidays, Christmas will always hold a special place in my heart.